For one, I didn't have a pound and for two, the hassle of withdrawing cash to buy a solitary pack of Orbit was too much for this morning. Besides it felt good to walk into the haze of conflict with a young yet appropriately contextual customs man over a less than one millimeter sheet of polyethylene plastic. I thought of the foiled bomb plot hidden inside the colgate tester I had received one month ago or the hair wax tin with its malleable engine brown appearing like what I thought plastic explosive. Then the hereditary worry floods back, images of hundreds pairs of nail scissors marooned across international bins, not to mention the size-able mound of oil of olay bottles staring back at me. The majority influence is the straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back as the whole queue fondles their balls, like shit adult kinder eggs containing the seed of my doubt - the bag. I retreat from haze and ask shee...camelishly?

'Not a problem sir'

Oh how the weight of that invisible pound feels good in the pocket.


John Henry Newton, Frutta Gallery


We were already both in a bad mood due to an earlier argument about something unimportant over coffee. I said ‘I must go now otherwise I’m going to be late for work’; this wasn’t greeted with a great deal of happiness either. It was then the vocals on the song playing from the laptop seemed familiar, I asked ‘who does this song?’ She ignored, and replied with ‘okay go’ in an “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed” tone.
I left the house briskly and in bad spirit, walking faster than usual to communicate my anger to the uncaring passersby, only to be suddenly interrupted by the vibration of a text:
‘I meant ‘OK Go’ the band, you idiot.’


I went upstairs only to realise that I had forgotten why I had gone upstairs. It was not until today while on the stairs that I realised that I had gone upstairs to note down an idea about forgetting something on the stairs.

We need to bring in £150 / $200 in donations a month to keep HOAX going.
If you'd like to see HOAX thrive, become a regular patron with a £3 / $4 monthly gift,
or leave us a one-off tip with Paypal: